Roof climbing for dummies
Hi
::Grins:: Following my last adventure out I now have essential advice for roof climbing...
1. If you climb onto a roof during the day do not stay there till it gets too dark to see the ground
2. If stuck on a roof for many hours and bored try running on the pitched bit it makes humans pull funny faces and squeak a lot .. Hilarious!
3. All edges of roofs look the same .. None of the edges have a sign saying 'this way down' .. I know I checked
4. Jumping to another roof does not get you neared the ground unless you miss
5. Jumping is best not attempted if you think you might miss
6. If you stay on the roof long enough humans will start throwing you food to lead you to the edge ... You can really make this work for you if you keep running back to the middle every now and again
7. There is very little to do on roofs in the middle of the night ... Where do all the birds go?
8. If you get really bored humans will provide entertainment by trying unsuccessfully to make bridges and ladders out of dodgey looking pieces of wood
9. Do not use bridges and ladders made out of dodgey looking pieces of wood
10. Do not climb on a roof if you think the wardrobe is high
::Wanders off giggling::
Why someone called feng shui is bad news for cats
Hello
Ok three reasons why this week is shaping up well....
1. I have now been going out nearly everyday!!!
2. My human lady seems really happy and settled
3. We have our old food back ::grins::
Yes I have now been venturing out lots and really far too ... Sometimes I even go into next doors garden! ::proud posturing:: Our Human lady seems very pleased with me when I get back.
The brothers grim say that I am supposed to ignore her for a bit when she calls ::looks puzzled:: I don't understand why tho??? I tried it anyway but she didn't look to happy when I came back in the end, so I think they are just trying to set me up ... hmmm.
Our human has been looking very shiny lately, she has even been in the garden and moved everything around. Why do humans do that all the time .. Furniture .. Plants ... Me tut! I think they have terribly restless souls ... They should sleep more.
Sometimes our human lady blames it on someone called feng shui ... We are not sure who this is but they must be awful fussy cos she's got loads of rules to follow and pretty big cos she's always making more space ::concern::
This week we had new food ::pulls sucked lemon face:: tut ... See what I mean? Always changing stuff! Anyway, we all boycotted it .. Well cept for Chewi ... We warned him ... But he's young and foolish .. Then he was sick .. Um .. Sooo many times, we all took up bets ::wicked grin::
In the end she admitted defeat and gave us the old stuff back muttering something about just wanting to give us variety ... ::blank look::
Speaking of food..........
Straws ... a lesson in the pointless
Hello
Yay! I am now going out! Well...... Ok the first time was an escape ::grins:: but cos I came back on my own I am now being let out ... Well once .. But its a start ::washes paws::
Chewi however is not going out ... Since the escape resulted in him becoming stuck under a neighbor's car and getting rather covered in oil ::smiles:: he was so freaked. He says his nanobots are run down and need time to recharge ::rolls eyes:: however, he runs off in a 'I just happened to fancy running over here for no reason at all .. Certainly not to avoid the door .. No no no' manor ::wicked grin::
Our human went out to the flicks tonight to see Troy. She must have liked it cos she said she couldn't stop laughing ::puzzled look:: something to do with unexpected drinking straw squeaky noises during an intensely sad bit. I always did think humans were odd not using there tongues to drink like normal animals ... And as for straws??? What is that all about?
Oh apparently brad looks best with his helmet on ::shrugs:: humans? ::blank stare::
Anyway ... I think she is onto us, I over heard her saying to her friend today how its odd that she's nearly run over a black and white cat sat in the road in the same spot three times now ... We gotta get a better lookout!
::yawn:: this out door living is so exhausting...
Chips arent what they used to be...
Hello
Oh where do I start? Its all been go go go go go round here.
Ok well Chewi went to the ::whispers:: Vets and came back with a funny walk. He says they have removed his ... Um ... Bits but that he's not worried cos it was necessary (hmm...) inorder for him to be chipped. Apparently his chip has nothing to do with the Playstation or the DVD player after all ::raises eye brow whisker::
Chewi says his chip is part of a system of nanobots that give him special abilities ... He's been trying them out ::smirks:: but he says they havent ... Matured yet ::koff:: personally I think He's been had and its part of a government conspiracy to bar code cats in order to spy on our activities ::washes paws::
Our Human whispered to me the other day that Chewi wont be bothering me as much soon now he's been done . I can only assume that she is trying to tell me his chip is some form of slow release bromide patch ... Interesting ::grins::
Any...way the other news is Chewi and I have been outside!! Beyond the portal!!!! It was a sunny day and the window had been left open by accident, Chewi and I slipped out ... I ... Um ... Let him go first. Then when he seemed to suffer no ill effects I followed. We were out for ... oh ... ages ... it was incredible.
Chewi followed me of course ... I don't know he gets 'outside' and all he can think to do is follow me to the garden to show me his scar ::rolls eyes:: While he was showing me them our human came racing out and caught us together. Chewi shot past her and in thro the portal .. I didn't even know he knew how to use it!
I ... Erm ... Allowed my human to scoop me up and take me back ... I was kinda tired after all the smells and outside air and ... Hungry. But I said N.O. to the portal when the human tried to persuade me to use it to get back indoors.
Why I don't subscribe to portals...
a. I don't think its dignified to use my head to open doors, that's what claws are for, that an scratching of course.
b. I have seen Stargate enough times to know I don't want my matter streamed.
c. Our human wanted me to use it.
Oh no ... There he goes again ... Chewi is trying to convince Jetson that he can now invisibly cloak himself ... Jetson is asking why he can still see him and Chewi says its because he is not running on the same software. I have to stop him watching Jake 2.0.
::Wanders off shaking her head::
That sea horse stole my money!
Hi
Its been a while ... I have been concentrating on following our human lady this week. Feel especially drawn too her ::wicked grin:: when she's on the computer chatting to her friends ... She likes it at first ... But after about ten minutes she starts trying to move me away from the screen hehehe but cos she has this idea I am what she calls 'special', she doesn't like to ignore me ... heheh not that I take advantage or anything ::koff:: can keep it up for about twenty minutes before she finally puts me on the floor hehe
Also I have been studying the movie Finding Nemo ... um strictly for ... um ... Research ::disturbingly innocent smile:: Our human lady reminds me of Dory, her friends say she's drives like Dory swims ... which is ... truely scary. Great movie .. Up there with chicken run ... I especially liked all the bits with .. Fish in.
Chewi is apparently going to have the snip .. What ever that means. We have been taking bets on what he's having snipped ::giggles:: he says its his nails ... I put a pound of kibble down on it being his left foot. He will have to go to the Vet ... She's ok .. Quite tasty .. Tho i only got a small nibble last time ::grins::
Our human says he will stop trying to hassle me once he's had something snipped ... hmmm i may have to find another reason to hit him tut. She seems the happiest I have seen her in a very long time ... She keeps doing that smiling thing and singing all the time ::looks nervous:: Humans are so odd.
A man came to the house today to discuss preventing the giant birds from nesting on the roof ... I think this is a good thing cos they keep attacking Jelly and Jetson when they go through the portal. Of course I am not scared of them ::looks at window ... Fidgets nervously .. Goes to check window is shut::
Talking of the bizarre.. I think I can hear the giant mouse has woken up...
::wonders off , checking the windows as she goes::
How The Paint Job Went Down
Hello
Ok ... so ... paint. What is it with humans painting their walls different shades of grey all the time??? Jetson, Chewi and I decided to investigate and see what it was with the whole 'paint' thing, Jelly said he wouldn't be involved in anything that might mess his hair up.
Ok so the job went down like this; Chewi was gonna test it first (basically this is cos he was the only one gullible enough heheh ) ... we all hid while he sneaked up on the table and dipped his paw in the paint pad tray until he got caught tut! The human lady swooped him up, oh but not ... before he got his paw in ::huge grin::
We all checked out Chewi's paw ... it smelt kinda funny but we couldn't tell how much of that was jus Chewi ... so ... new plan. Jetson was to taste the paint and we decided that seeing as our human had started covering up the paint trays .... tut humans are so suspicious :;grins:: .. he would just have to lick the wet walls.
Anyway, Jetson actually got his tongue on the wall just as our human lady walked in the door, I think maybe that one has a touch of feline intuition going on there hmm. Jetson reported the paint doesn't taste to good, then he promptly forgot he had it on his tongue and began grooming ... he has a nice tester swatch on his belly now .. really confused our human hehe
Ok At this point I figured I would get a closer look, I mean time had passed and Chewi and Jetson seemed to show no ill effects ::wicked grin:: I found the corner of the paper the human had covered the tray with and stuck me nose in, had a deep sniff, yep its pretty foul.
I may have ::fidgets:: got some on my nose at this point cos the Human keeps pointing at me laughing ... tho i really don't see the big deal ::shrugs:: I am grey after all tut our human mus be colour blind or something cos she keeps calling it red, you have to wonder if she should be driving!
::Scratches nose and wonders off::
Jelly
Hello
Let me tell you about Jelly..
Jelly is kinda like the feline version of the Fonze. For a male cat he is actually kinda cool .. even the late Scully kinda liked him ::slight look of awe:: He has this sleek sleek coat which shines his nose to his tail and he walks with a slow steady saunter ::looks impressed:: He doesn't play with the others he just sits perched above them somewhere mildly amusing himself with their clowning around.
Jelly likes to travel the portal, i mean Jetson does too but he usually only stays out long enough to go to the loo then he's straight back ::laffs:: He has like the thickest coat i have ever seen and he complains its too cold! Hmmm hehe. Jelly goes out and travels around the universe out there even .. beyond .. the window view ::clearly impressed now:: He always smells amzing when he gets back ::sigh::
Don't get me wrong he is male of course .. but that's really not his fault, plus he is very respectful of me and doesn't try to steel my humans attention too often. However, today Jelly did his usual thing of rolling on the side of the bath to get a tickle from our human while she was getting showered, it's really the only time he bothers too much with her ::starts to grin::
Anyway, well.. he kinda lost it and fell in ::evil deep laugh:: You know how they say us cats always land on our feet? well...... he didn't ::big laugh:: He jus slid down the bath on his back with this look of utter terror on his face!!! ::whisker shuddering laughter now .. struggling to type:: He jus couldn't get up off his back cos the bath was so slippery .. and ... wet ::pauses to catch her breath:: But .. when he finally emerged from under the shower curtain he was just amazing, he regained his composure as his feet hit the floor and sauntered off as if nothing had happened! ...... dripping ::grinning::
::Calms herself for a moment::
I love my life
Ooo the human has just had what she calls a 'laz'or pointer' through the post, a gift for us from a friend she says. I wonder what it does...
::Trundles off to see::
